What do you want for Christmas? I really used to like that question and now I don't like it at all. Not one bit. New toys or technology or gear or tools used to satisfy that question. Hell, even clothing worked from time to time. There are presents I received for Christmas that I cherish or appreciate to this day. My Kenner “Bridge and Turnpike, Panel and Girder” building set was the greatest toy, ever! I was maybe 11 or 12 when I got that set and became, for a while at least, a budding engineer. The reality of understanding the math and physics of real engineering had yet to become a known and I was able to build anything in the kit and create even more. I built the suspension bridge that stood nearly 2 feet tall and more than filled the card table. I had to redesign the New Jersey side approach to include an extra turn of it would have required I move the family off the kitchen table.
Speaking of the kitchen table. Remember, I was 11 or 12 and had too much unsupervised time on my hands at that time. Following the process of discovering how heat changes the strength and stability of these plastic girders, I also found that heat not only rises, but radiates out and down as well. Once I had finished my tests, extinguished the flames and began the cleanup I had one of my first real “Oh Shit” moments. The heat had burned a hole in the gray Formica table top. It was right where my mother would sit for her meals. After a little well done panic, running around with my hands in the air saying things my mother didn't know I knew how to say, I revisited the arson scene. A place mat wouldn't do since the edges of the burn were slightly raised and we didn't use them anyway. A review of the situation once I'd cleaned up the best I could revealed my solution. Turn the table around! The other end of the table always had the Lazy Susan with the napkins, salt and pepper shakers, sugar bowl and a few bills or letters. To the best of my knowledge it had never been otherwise.
It looked perfect. The apartment had aired out sufficiently that there was no obvious trace of the toxic smoke by the time Mom got home and I figured I was in the clear. Now I had until after high school graduation and a job to worry about the final solution. If I was living somewhere else and sent home a brand new table and chair set it would be a great gift and we could laugh over what an idiot I had been back when I was just a kid. What I didn't realize was my mother did things that 11 or 12 year-old idiot boys didn't comprehend, like when she cleaned the table, she moved everything out of the way. So instead of having 6 or 7 years to work on the problem I had until the next Saturday morning. I won't go into details, but believe me it wasn't pretty from my point of view. She probably didn't have much fun with it either, but I was pretty focused on my experience at the time and failed to appreciate her emotional investment at the time. Unfortunately there would be more of that before I could appreciate the parental view of this kind of situation. I learned a few things other than engineering and thermodynamics that week and surprisingly, I still have a bit of a handle on some of them as well as the the building kit. Maybe I'll dig it out for a grandkid to use one of these days. Maybe I'll pass one or two selected lessons on.
So back to the original question, what to say when someone asks what I want for Christmas. Everything that matters now seem to be in others hands. I want my wife to be healthy once again and not have cancer lurking in the background, leaning in on every plan and decision we have to make, every trip we take and every photo we take with loved ones. I want my children to be successful and happy, independent and making us proud with their smiles and stories of accomplishment. I want their kids to be the same. I want the same for the rest of the family and my friends, you all deserve it, really you do. All that helps make me happy, almost like I have some control over those situations and conditions from afar. I have a rich fantasy life, so if something good happens for someone I care about after I've suggested they deserve it, I will take some credit.
And for me, personally? Time. Control over my time would be nice. Not the kind of control where I can move back and forth from today to 1847 where I'd suggest to Brigham Young that the Tooele valley would be a better place for his city. The kind of control that leaves me time to write and post stuff more frequently than every 5 months. The kind of control that leads to a bit more time camping with friends or traveling with my bride or even sleeping in the afternoon if it's needed. Time to watch movies or go to galleries or casinos and just look at stuff and people and breathe and smile at how wonderful all of this can be. Oh, and I'd like to hit the Powerball, see more Major League baseball games have Democrats win a lot more Utah elections and have the Jazz win the NBA championship too. Now Santa, you know what I want, so get to work. Okay?
